Printer Mouse

 A distraught computer user phoned the IT repair man and reported that  the mouse was stuck in the printer. The repair man retorted that only computers have mice – not printers. So the worried client sent him the following photo by way of explanation (scroll down if necessary):

 

 

 

 

 

 

Printer-mouseI do hope no mice were hurt when this photograph was taken…

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Celebrity Deep Thinking

Sexjoke04 Sexjoke01 Sexjoke02 Sexjoke03

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Do you remember what you read?

Do not use a calculator for this:

You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.
In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Windsor, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden, 6 people get off and 3 get on.

You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.
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Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?
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Answer:Oh, for crying out loud!
Don’t you remember your own age?!?! It was YOU driving the bus!

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Hole in One?

One day David decided to retire …

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

David soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, David is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, David asks, “Where did you come from ? How did you get here?”

She replies, “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank.”
“Amazing,” David notes. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.”

“Oh, this thing?” explains the woman. ” I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree.”

“But, where did you get the tools?”

“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman. ” On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware.”

David is stunned.

“Let’s row over to my place,” she says “and I’ll give you a tour.” So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As David looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, David can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Please sit down.”

“Would you like a drink ?”

“No! No thank you,” David blurts out, still dazed. “I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.”

“Oh, it’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman. “I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz ?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, David accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,
” I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.”

No longer questioning anything, David goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

“This woman is amazing,” David muses. “What’s next ?”

When David returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias . She then beckons for him to sit down
Next to her.

“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve both been out here for many months .You must have been lonely . When was the last time you played around ?

She stares into his eyes .

He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean …” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes ,
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“You’ve built a Golf Course too ?”

 

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A possible disadvantage of the Electronic Age in which we live…

Enjoy!

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A Little Bundle of Joy!

Jim decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jim’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,’ she explained. ‘I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house’

‘Don’t worry,’ Jim said. ‘We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.’

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jim got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, ‘Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?’

‘Yes, I do.’ said Bob

‘Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?’

‘Well, um, yes, ‘Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, I have to admit that I did.’

‘And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?’

Bob’s face turned beet red and he said, ‘Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did.’ Why do you ask?’

‘She just died and left me everything.’

 

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Balloon Dance

Enjoy!

 

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